Take down the fences: why we need to demilitarise our community life
Kate Cairns, 10 July 2024
We humans exist all the time in one of two possible states of being.
We have a flow state, which is our birthright. It enables this complex conglomeration of cells and organisms that is a human to exist as an integrated whole being in a complex universe. Flow state occurs when internally our brain and nervous system is fully connected and externally we are maintaining good connectedness to our human network.
We also have a fear state, which is essential for survival. It disconnects us internally to speed up our functions in a situation of threat, and disconnects us externally to speed up our instinctive reactions for survival. Our fear state is always within us as a possibility, but getting stuck in it is very bad for our health individually and as a community. It involves getting stuck in a fight/flight or freeze response, which results in trauma (a word which means injury).
Fortunately we have another instinctive response that can move us from our fear state into a responsive flow state, a state in which we can live within a stressful and high-threat environment as safely as possible without dissociating but also without compromising our health. This was identified by Shelley Taylor in 2002 as our tending instinct. She provided sound evidence for this, with it being most clearly seen in women when caring for young, but also as an instinct innate to all humans. And we can practice releasing the activity of this tending instinct within us.
There is a lot of research evidence that caring for each other is built in to the human brain and nervous system. We are fundamentally a collaborative species and that is how we have survived so far on an often dangerous planet. We are, as Professor Keltner showed us, “born to be good”. But this predisposition to compassion and caring is destroyed by being stuck in a fear state. And our tending instinct can become dormant if not used.
When individuals get stuck in a fear state autoimmune responses set in and the body starts to destroy itself. When communities get stuck in a fear state a sort of communal autoimmune response sets in. People in the community then develop narratives and paradigms all based around fear. And these narratives and paradigms surface as defensive collective action. Take this snippet from government guidance for schools issued in October 2023:
“The boundary is the first line of defence and should be protected with a secure fence or railings such as Weldmesh fencing to BS1722 or expanded metal or railings over 2.0m high.
Gates should be the same height as the fencing, fitted with anti-lift hinges, locking mechanisms that do not aid climbing and secured using an approved locking mechanism.
Planting close to the base of a fence can also be a deterrent but should not exceed 1.0m in height. Tree canopies should fall no lower than 2.0m from the ground to provide clear lines of sight.”
Our children spend their days locked in compounds that look like concentration camps, and the network of people who are their loved ones spend their days locked out.
Look around your local community, and you will see many more examples of the way being stuck in a fear state is destroying our wellbeing. Notice the official signage, with its dire warnings of the consequences of stepping out of line. Observe the graffiti left by the alienated and disaffected among us. Wade through the litter left by people disconnected from their care for others or their environment.
As Shelley Taylor said “When we erode our social and emotional ties, we pay for it long into the future. When we invest in them instead, we reap the benefits for generations to come.” And, as a closing word to reflect on, “Social ties are the cheapest medicine we have.” We can and must practice building communities of kindness and care. Remember, this flow state is our birthright.
